FOR GRAMMIE

My little Ham...

Just a few recent shots of my one year old...she is changing so fast...i feel like i wake up to a new kid every morning...

My sweet Husband (:

Josh surprised me with a valentines dinner this week and took me out to Lavelle's...it was so yummy and sweet.I have to tell you people this.I know,im a retard...but i ordered roasted duck with a rasberry sauce and it had garlic mashed potatoes and steamed veggies on the side...i like to try new things....theres a time and a place and Lavelle's is pretty uppity,so i figured i might as well.In the words of our little Harley...IT WAS DE-LISH!!!I had the best clam chowder ive ever tasted as a side(and im picky abt my chowder)and coconut shrimp for appetizers...he ordered the worlds tastiest prime rib(he says it was better than turtle club)and then we went to chilis for dessert and had our fav...paradise pie...needless to say we were STUFFED but had a great time.We even dropped the baby off with Mrs.Joy so it was pretty romantic(: also he bought me a tanning package cuz ive been wanting one real bad(:

This is a little after the fact,but i thought id post pictures of the sparkleys he bought me for christmas(pictured above)cuz they are just so pretty.He also bought me all 5 seasons of THE OFFICE(one of my fav's) and the cute sketchers i wanted...i got totally spoiled...;P yay me!

MY GIRLS

you know what im thankful for????im thankful for my online friends. i know people get caught up on the internet,and wasting time,and even doing things they shouldnt online,but i have this group of girls that are my "online friends" and they are just super.we have made our internet time something that lifts each other up,and encourages and shares with one another,and its nice to have cuz i dont have a whole lot of friends to spend time with.i never feel guilty about spending time with these girls online,becasue they are truly my best friends and i look forward to the love and support i find with them each and every day.we have this private weight loss blog,had it goin on for about a year,and what a help and just a ton of fun it has been helping each other out and being part of a support group for each other.we have all accomplished so much more together,and it has just been a truly enjoyable experience.they keep me focused and sharpen me when i need sharpening(: i hope and think i mean the same to them.i have the best friends in the world,truly.Thankyou Lord for my girls(:

I LOVE YOU MCKINLEY

It will be exactly one year since i held that little stranger in my arms for the first time on thursday.It wasn't a great time in my life.It was pretty awful actually.For alot of reasons.Physically i wasnt ready.Emotionally i was in turmoil.So much pain.So tired.I wouldve turned back if id been given the choice.I remember feeling completely alone,but my husband must have been there,because i was holding onto someones neck since i couldnt stand alone.I remember whispering over and over"i cant do this".I remember passing out every other minute between contractions,round about the 24th-25th hour.i remember sweating like a pig and vomitting in the hallway because i got so dehydrated and hot from walking the halls for hours trying to make something happen.I remember begging them to check me round about the 26th hour...and them telling me i wasnt quite to a 4...i was certain at that point i was going to die...i had no strength left...i was giving up.Im pretty sure that was why my midwife called for my epideral a little bit early,because i had nothing left...hadnt for quite awhile.I understood what it felt like to be on the brink of death.

But the main thing i remember is when i got to see her and hold her for the first time.Everything else fades away when i look into those beautiful blue eyes,with no mistake who she got them from,they look just like her fathers,and she looks at me in wonder,seeing me for the first time.At that point all my pain was gone...all i knew was love...and every since that day, that little stranger has become such a part of us,of me,i cant imagine a life without her.

God knew i needed that baby girl two weeks early,for His own reasons,to get me through the trials that were heading my way...He knew what we needed this past year,to teach a couple of selfish people how to truly love,just when we needed it most.He knew and always knows what we need and gives us so much more than we deserve.What a wonderful Lord we have and I am just so thankful to Him for a little girl that has lighted my world throughout this past year,even in my darkest hours.

When im sad,she can make me smile through my tears.When im angry beyond reason,i see her,and everything comes back into focus..When i feel hopeless,she reminds me to be thankful for the good things.I wish i could freeze her in time,with her tiny toothy smile as she waddles towards me with her outstretched arms,and i pick her up and she whispers "hi mamma" . And everything is wonderful and perfect.

Picture of the Year...

what a tard

they cracked me...

...on the second day...had to send two of them to grammie's.wow.talk about hectic.it was insane...so the two older ones stayed with me and mac and josh,but the two littles went to stay with grammie...last night was interesting to say the least...having two babies in one tiny house...they took turns waking each other up screaming,and we got NO sleep whatsoever...so yeah...the idea was more fun than the reality...we miss the two littles,but things have calmed down considerably since grammie came and got them(:

we went to the library and got the older boys some books so they would have something to do on down time,so they spent the evening reading...and we had tacos and now they are watching star wars with uncle josh. i finally got my workout and shower in.yay me.